I Had To Be The One Who Told Him - Rhonda D

I HAD TO BE THE ONE WHO TOLD HIM

            “Looking in your eyes… kind of heaven eyes… closing both my eyes…waiting for surprise.”

It was a classic city landscape filled with twinkles, not from the plum sky, but from bouncing glitters: reds from cars, greens from street lights, whites from buildings and reflections of them all. A breezy, only slightly humid Atlanta night wrapped the lovers …kind of California-like. But only these pretty people chattering on the roof-top hotel were filled with southern pleasantries and stories of fishing and farm vistas.

 “To see the heaven in your eyes is not so far… cause I'm not afraid to try and go it….”

            Awww Golden Lady a Stevie Wonder classic I thought. I was glittering and sparkling with dangling earrings, a gawdy pink flowered diamond ring, a neck line to my navel and hem above my thigh, along with the wildest gold knee boots I myself had ever seen.

It was a girl’s night out, with the exception of my boyfriend who I was sharing tonight, sharing with my sexy new girl-toy I simply called lil’ Sis. Lil’ Sis was brilliantly attired in her usual tight black something or other which was perfect as not to outshine me, Big Sis. And my boyfriend who tonight we called Daddy?, and at our request he had on a sharp black suit and tie and his ever present wide sexy grin and he came naturally equipped with all the ingredients which assured a summer night of fun. There we sat the three of us, entwined.

“And golden lady, golden lady I'd like to go there, golden lady, golden lady I'd like to go there take me right away…”

God that song made a girl’s heart believe the beauty of the melody and ladies in the crowd sang aloud and swayed. I lowered my eyelids to half mast and glanced over at the horn player, a handsome young stallion decades Daddy’s junior. He held the evening’s heart in his sway and no one could turn their eyes from his masculine loveliness.

“…To know the love and the beauty never known before, I'll leave it up to you to show it…”

I was entrenched in his being and in that moment I didn’t care what anyone thought. I wanted to dream of him on my death bed years from tonight and I wanted my story, my last memories to ring not of loss, but of conquer. I shifted and pointed my glossy thighs in his direction and stared unwaveringly at his eyes as they darted lovingly around the room. Lil’ Sis tried to draw my attention to her and she giggled out loud and warmed her hands on our dates shoulder.

Finally, His horn floated slowly towards our table and our eyes locked and I made sure to fasten him in. Surely, the other ladies who were balmy under the moon’s slithering glow would try to make their way into my line of fire. But, I had to be the one who captured his awareness; I had to be the one he blew for; and, I had to be the one who told him, he was quite simply… the most dazzling creature the cityscape had ever glimmered for and I stood up in declaration of what was soon to be mine. As His last hum was released nothing else existed; friendships, love-ships… nothing. I was determined to create the most beautiful golden evening I was ever to remember, a story that would electrify my memory even in my last breath.

The Knife Never Left Her Hand -- Rhonda Dove

     The knife never left her hand and Samuel never left her side. Why was she so frantic that evening? He had never seen that side of her, the manic side, the side that wanted to hurt. But she lay still now and he gazed at her chest to see it rise and fall. It relaxed him and gave him pleasure and to know she would sleep tonight and see another day. But, he knew he would have to be her protector and watch over her that was his role. 

     Natalie had a temper, but at times she liked to be a voyeur and see the other girls swoon over her Samuel. Then other days she was like a night watchman with a rifle cocked ready for a token transgression. Reckless eyeballing, where a girl stared too long in her man’s direction, was not tolerated.  A girl was never invited to sit and chat at her table while she chatted with her man, offense two. A cell phone vibrating, ringing, dinging while her man tapped at it, fondled it and put it back in his pocket, drove her insane. Samuel had committed all of the above and on top of that he had looked past her at a chick in a miniskirt while she spoke deeply about her feelings of loneliness and despair. 

     He saw the shift in her expression the twinkle of lunacy that deepened as the night fell drowsy. It was bizarre he thought, she often spoke of a desire for a pleasurable threesome, but she would turn sour when he even lingered in his speech about another lady. He normally did not try to please her whims. He got a rather sadistic pleasure in her self-inflicted emotional turmoil. He would coax her and lead her down this path of frantic despair. At the end of this road she would be so unraveled she would need him to pull the strings from the hard knots and soften her again. She needed him.

     Tonight their dance seemed perilously out of control. She shook him with her eyes that demanded to know why he chose to go against her wishes. And without prior discussion he decided to lecture her about the fact that she was not his master. In fact he had said if anyone is the master in their relationship it was he and he would not be told where and at whom he could look. In fact if he wanted to get up and go across the room and find the most beautiful thing in the place and talk to her for 30 minutes, it was her duty to sit happily in her seat and wait for his return. He knew at a point the Brandy was expressing these sentiments and not he, but it was too late and by the time he tried to explain, he noticed that her third glass had only a puddle of the purple stuff remaining.

     She had become ignited with a fury that neither of them could contain. He watched her in a slow-motion haze sing out a rhythmic barrage of insults at him that made the whole restaurant hush in interest. She told him he could in fact, ‘fuck all the ho’s in the whole damn place’ and she could care less. But, she would kick ‘somebody’s ass’ on the way out. 

     Samuel had never seen her so crazed. He instinctively grabbed her as she grabbed the knife on the dinner table and he held her tightly to him. 

     “Natalie baby relax.” That was all he could muster, but he held that wrist tightly indeed for dear life. He motioned to the waiter to extricate his wallet from his slacks and take out the 100 dollar bill and keep the change. He drug her as she screamed like a wolf who had been half paralyzed on a desolate road by some speeding nobody. 

     “Why do you do this to me Samuel…why….why….Why do you want to hurt me, when all I have ever wanted to give you is my love?” 

    He shushed her like you would a wailing baby. He kissed her neck and pushed her into the passenger side from the driver’s entrance, still holding that hand safely away from their harm. 

    “Everything is going to be okay baby, everything is going to be okay baby, everything is going to be…”

     And so they lay in his king size bed in their Friday night best. She looked so beautiful and was so beautifully flawed in her sparkling body hugging dress. Her golden brown thighs beckoned him and he wanted to please her, to sooth the pain he had disturbed inside her. This is crazy he thought and the knife never left her hand and Samuel never left her side.

Life Begins When -- Marcus Greg Taylor

Life begins when you start to pay attention to your life.  I find it interesting that I was made to look at my life at an early age.  My family did not have hardships I was aware of and I did not have bullies in the school constantly on my back like kids do today.  I was in Mrs. Upchurch’s kindergarten class and I had a hard time adjusting to kids I did not know because they grew up on the other side of the neighborhood rec center and they mush have gone to the same pre-school.  To make a long story short, a model student I was not.  Then some point in that school year, my whole life began, not just an average student bringing up grades kind of change, but I had an actual “your life starts now” change.  Now my life beginning was not a father-son talk, or a mom pleading her heart, or a Sunday school lesson (I never paid attention in church like I do now); Michael Jackson came out with the song Man In The Mirror and that is when it happened-like Neo being in the hallway and he is seeing the world as it really is. 

Now being a kindergarten student I did not understand the whole meaning of the song like I do now but since my parent and sister read to me often and there was always music plying in the house I got the gist of the song.  I have to credit Divine Intervention because the first time I heard this song was actually the music video.  These powerful images of starving children, powerful leaders, racist crimes, etc. along with Michael’s voice singing, “make a change” almost in a pleading way made me feel like he was talking to me.  After that song was over, I became “aware” of a world much larger than Gresham Park and the neighborhoods where both of my grandmas lived.  Maybe I still cannot put it in the best words but somehow I felt I needed to help change the world but I had to become a better person to do it.  That is when live begins:  I mean the scientific and religious communities clash on if it begins at conception or this many months or that many months or what is the definition of life (side note:  on that debate, just ask me and I will tell you my view); but on a philosophical level if I may interject, life starts when you become aware of something bigger than your life. 

When you are able to connect to a larger world and ask, the JFK question, “what can you do for your country?” That is what life is all about right-my service to you and your service to me-the Golden Rule.  As an older man, well still young man I should say, I think about my life and what it will say when it is over.  I started reading a book, Finishing Well: The Adventure of Life Beyond Halftime by Bob Buford, and it is essentially for people retiring but I kept reading it anyway.  Again, I have new perspective on where life begins and it all ends up back to where I was before the new me walked into Mrs. Upchurch’s kindergarten class (in which I was awarded “Most Dependable” just to pat myself on the back); that is to make a difference in the world you have to make a difference within yourself first.  That difference is, that life is not about you, it is about everyone who is your neighbor and for you to be the Good Samaritan.

Now, I do not want this to be out of context that we are cogs in a machine to just turn and turn because that is just waiting to die, not living.  We should live but not be selfish with our living because there are so many who are spokes on a wheel, whose life has not started and are just going down an escalator like storm trooper in Robot Chicken, greeting their evil ruler with the programmed greeting, “my lord!” Okay, I am rambling a bit here but my point is, our lives start when we realize, God made this earth one big living organism and we are cells in it to keep it alive and moving and beautiful and not as a clock that has us as transistors.  Life begins when we realize all life needs us to start living-living for a purpose.